I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
