True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
