Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
