She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
