VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You smell like stripper and shame
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
