I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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