dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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