I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
