we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
