I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
