how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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