I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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