I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
