If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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