The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just found puke in my bra..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
