I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
