I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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