Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
