i would punch a child for taco bell
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
