I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This is classic penis vs brain.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
