I got chris browned last night
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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