are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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