Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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