first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
