I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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