K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
