Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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