glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You are the jesus of drinking
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