so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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