This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
