Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
