i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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