That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
