i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
