i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
