I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
