I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
