after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
