That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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