This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
