I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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