I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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