hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
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Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
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This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize