A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
