Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
