I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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