its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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