just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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