Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
