she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
