I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
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