Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
