i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
