My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
