We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
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the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
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i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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