I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
