but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
