We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
