i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
