don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
