We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
