I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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