That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Randomize
