So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You pole danced in your parka.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize
