u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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