Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
