i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
