Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
