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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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