I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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