Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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